


Whipped

by VeetVoojagig



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Booty Calls, Comedy Smut Battle, M/M, Pranks, Whipped Confections, Word Sprint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 17:49:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10881876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeetVoojagig/pseuds/VeetVoojagig
Summary: Bro goes to answer a booty call, and finds something else instead.





	Whipped

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a word sprint with the Homestuck Writers' Discord group. Comedy smut! I got 800 words in 25 minutes, then finished it up.

Bro walked into the house, his hands on his hips. Where the fuck was the man? He'd invited him over here and he should have been waiting. He scowled and called out. "Hey, Egbert. Get your ass in here. What the hell kind of booty call is this?"

No answer.

He kept going, looking in the kitchen. Nothing there, either. He went back to the living room and peeked into his office. Nada. Fuck this. He climbed the stairs. "Fuck, Egbert, this is bullshit. Where are you?"

He skipped the boy's room. No reason for the man to be in there. He pushed open the door to the master bedroom and went in. Nothing. He turned to go, and was immediately struck in the face by some kind of whipped confection.

"You fucking douche," he growled, pulling off his shades and wiping the whipped cream off of them like one polishes a sacrosanct artifact.

"Now, now. Watch your language, love," the older man said, grinning and handing him a towel.

Bro ignored the towel and grabbed Egbert's tie, pulling him in for a rough kiss. He purposefully smeared the cream from his own face all over the other man's. Egbert struggled, pushing him away, but returned quickly for another kiss. Neither of them remembered the mess they were making as they stumbled to the bed.

Bro landed on top, but that didn't last long. Fingers against his sensitive ribcage had him jerking away, and Egbert rolled, pinning him underneath. He shoved at the bulkier man to no avail. "Fuck, Egbert," he growled.

"Language," his lover said again, lowering his head for a sweet--emotionally as well as sweetened by whipped cream--kiss.

The younger man melted under him, sighing into his mouth. Fuck, he couldn't resist this shit. He'd do anything, put up with any kind of pranking, just to be right where he was.

Egbert pulled back, straddling his lap and gazing down at him. He slowly pulled off Bro's shirt and used it to wipe the cream off the man's face before doing so with his own as well. He tossed the soiled shirt on the floor.

"Hey," Bro protested. "I'm going to need that."

"Well," Egbert said with a sly smile. "I suppose you'll just have to stay until we can get the laundry done."

Oh. Fuck. Yeah, okay. He could live with that.

The man's hands were on his chest, caressing slowly and skillfully, teasing little gasps from his normally stoic lips. "Egbert, fuck, please," he whimpered.

"Shh, love. We're getting there." Lips brushed his own, then the hands were gone, reappearing a moment later on the buckle of his belt. That was deftly removed, and those clever fingers were prying loose the button of his black jeans. Bro moaned, jerking his hips in anticipation, his nerves singing with the thrill of it.

Egbert tugged the fabric away, leaving him exposed to the cool air. Bro blinked up at him, gasping. "Please," he said again, reaching for him with a desperate hand.

Fingers curled around his, holding reassuringly. "Shhh. I've got you. I promise." The hand squeezed his once more before releasing him. Egbert pulled away and carefully undid his tie, then his shirt, laying both over the back of a chair before removing his trousers as well. "See?" he murmured, kneeling on the bed again. "Not so bad, was it? I'm here with you."

Bro whimpered softly, moving to fold his arms around the older man. "Yeah," he said breathlessly. "It's cool."

"Yes, it is." Egbert kissed his forehead gently and laid him back on the bed, moving over him. He grabbed the lube from the bedside table and opened it, quickly coating his hand. Bro spread his legs eagerly and moaned. Yes, yes. That was what he needed.

A slick finger entered him, moving slowly despite his whined protests. Egbert always treated him like glass, and damn, it was good, but he could take more. He could. It seemed like ages before a second finger entered him, then a third. "For fuck's sake, Egbert, get on with it," he growled.

The hand withdrew, and an eyebrow raised. "What have I told you about that kind of language?" the man asked.

"Ugh, sorry, just fuck me," Bro said.

Egbert chuckled. "Can you see how that apology was flawed?"

"Please fuck me?"

"No, that wasn't it." He leaned down and kissed him softly. "I'll forgive you this time," he murmured huskily before pushing into him slowly. Bro groaned as his body was invaded. It was so fucking good. He clung to the man's shoulders, letting him take his body however he would. Everything was perfect.

Egbert rocked into him steadily, gently, letting the pressure build slowly within him, only speeding up when Bro started moaning and begging under him. Then a strong, cake-baking hand curled itself around his cock and it was over. A few solid strokes and he was exploding into his grasp with a deep, throaty moan. 

A final thrust, a grunt, and Egbert dropped onto his chest. Bro smiled. “Fuck, Daddy,” he drawled.

“Don’t call me that.” 

The younger man laughed. “Aw, but it suits you.” 

Egbert rolled off him and poked him in the side. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He grabbed his lover’s hand and squeezed it, not caring how totally dorky it was. No one would see. “You’re not bad yourself.” 

The older man chuckled softly. “I suppose I can take that.” He leaned in and kissed Bro gently. “Get some sleep. I’ll wash your clothes in the morning.” 

He thought about complaining about being held hostage, but… what the hell. Might as well just enjoy it. “Yes, Daddy,” he said, smirking as he closed his eyes. A long suffering sigh was the only answer he got before the man wrapped his arms around him and they both let themselves drift in the warmth of their embrace.


End file.
